Monday, Currently.

Oh, hey, remember that I used to blog? I just did. Gearing up for another week, I figured I’d take a few moments to record what’s current in my life right now (see also: a quick update on the world of GFM).

Currently

watching:

Just finished watching my beloved Raptors getting swept in the first round of playoffs last night, so I can tell you what I won’t be watching. Otherwise, it’s Agents of SHIELD and Blacklist, all the way.

reading:

The Saga Series. Fantastic artwork, captivating story. I highly recommend it.

listening:

Walk Off The Earth has a new album coming out soon and I’m obsessed with their new single ‘Rule the World’.

Hozier’s Take Me To Church, because, well… I just feel it in my bones.

And Riptide by Vance Joy, still. Always.

making:

I’m not, actually. I’m feeling a bit creativity-starved. I need to figure out what to be getting my hands dirty with. Not a euphemism.

feeling:

Pretty good, actually. After being so sick through the winter, I’m feeling better and getting stronger everyday. It’s an awesome feeling.

planning:

A birthday brunch for next weekend. Have fallen down the Pinterest rabbit hole a few times with that one. I’m also pumped for spring cleaning and getting some projects done around the house. We’re coming up on six years of being in this house… So it’s about time to get some home renos on again.

loving:

Work right now, it makes such a difference having great bosses. The hope of spring weather on the horizon. Feeling better. …Would it be too cheesy to say ‘life in general’? Cuz, yeah, that.

What’s current in your life right now?

Real Tips to Survive the Winter

I know I say this every year since moving back to a country where it snows during the winter, but this has been the longest, coldest, most terrible winter, ever.

No, fuck you, Game of Thrones guy.

But seeing as I’ve decided to make this frozen tundra my permanent home even after enjoying the balmy winters of Perth, I’ve decided I just have to suck it up, create a winter survival plan and get through this season that lasts 6 months longer than it should.

If you need help getting through these terrible winters, I’m sharing some of my best winter survival tips today. I hope they help you make it through to the other side of one of Mother Nature’s crueler jokes.

    • Denial: For as long as humanly possible, deny the fact that another winter has arrived. Wear those sandals and spring jackets long after the temperature has dipped below freezing. If you ignore it, maybe it isn’t really there.

    • Get a winter appropriate wardrobe: Once winter has settled in, you do know deep down in your heart that it’s here to stay for six to eleven months, so it’s best to prepare for it. Stocking up on layers of long johns, singlets, long sleeve t-shirts, sweaters, parkas and wearable blankets is the way to go. At least you can feel warm on the outside, because your cold, frozen heart won’t thaw til at least July.

      • Subscribe to Netflix: Sign up for one of those streaming TV services. There are a bunch cropping up in Canada, trying to compete with Netflix, each with a more ridiculous name than the last (Showmi? REALLY?). I’ve stuck with Netflix, but any service that allows you to binge watch works, because you won’t be going outside for at least half a year.


        Sleep

      • Hibernate: Bears have the right idea: just skip the whole winter experience by sleeping through it. It’ll be like it never, ever happened.


soup belly

    • Eat all the comfort food: Comfort food is different for everyone, but nothing helps you ignore the harsh, cold winters like baked mac and cheese or tomato basil soup.


    • Drink: Nothing makes me forget the sixty feet of snow, slick sidewalks and cold wind that chaps my face and lips than a drink. Hot chocolate, tea, or my favourite… whiskey. Nothing makes me feel warmer on the inside than whiskey.


    • Cry: When winter’s going into its fifth month and you just don’t think you can take another twelve feet of snow or another day of -40 before the windchill, do what I do: cry. Just be sure to do that in the warmth of your home so your tears don’t freeze to your face.


      nelly-hot-in-herre-1421775412

    • Think warm thoughts: Sunshine, beaches, summer, fire, David Tennant, Chloe Bennet, temperatures above zero. Eventually, those longer, warmer days will come back and soon we’ll be able to complain about how damn hot it is again.

Only nine days until the official start of spring! How have you survived this winter? Or are you one of those people who love winter (you weirdo)?

 

 

Things That Are Sexier Than 50 Shades of Grey

In honour of the release of the Fifty Shades of Grey movie, I decided to share with you a list of things that are sexier than Fifty Shades of Grey.

“Mr. Grey will see you now.”

Ew, no. Please just stop.

Ready? Here goes:

Things that are way sexier than 50 Shades of Grey:

    • a dentist appointment
    • a gyno appointment
    • shovelling snow
    • doing laundry
    • laying tiles
    • laying hard wood
    • laying carpet
    • installing any type of flooring, really
    • filing your nails
    • teeth whitening strips
    • literally spicing up your bedroom. I suggest oregano, thyme and paprika sprinkled between the sheets
    • watching paint dry
    • hanging wallpaper
    • washing dishes that have sat in the skin for three weeks
    • yard work
    • watching grass grow
    • being adventurous in the bedroom with your consenting partner
    • consensual sex
    • sex on the beach (the drink)
    • sex on the beach (where you basically have sex in coarse dirt– Cuz that’s basically what sand is).
    • dancing
    • cleaning the bathroom
    • cleaning your bedroom
    • fast cars
    • slow cars
    • public transit
    • eating your vegetables
    • listening to Blank Space on repeat
    • watching Animal Planet
    • watching the History network

  • watching porn with friends
  • watching porn alone
  • reading

 

Just as long as you're not reading this.

Just as long as you’re not reading this.

  • reading Snark Squad recaps of the book
  • flossing your teeth
  • wearing high heels
  • wearing flats
  • wearing Converse
  • wearing whatever the fuck makes you feel awesome
  • making your own decisions
  • making music
  • making art
  • making stuff with your own two hands
  • making out with someone you care about
  • Snow slush
  • Icy sidewalks
  • Farms
  • Calluses
  • Hangnails
  • Spinach
  • Yogurt
  • Mowing the law
  • Toothpicks
  • Cohesive relationships
  • Not being stalked
  • Squats and lunges workouts
  • Dirty gym socks
  • Old running shoes
  • Sidewalk chalk
  • Worms
  • Making your own choices about what and when you eat
  • Making your own choices about where you work
  • Door knobs
  • Thor
  • Light bulbs
  • Selfie sticks

My point is, anything is sexier than 50 Shades of Grey. Nothing is sexy about stalkery, controlling, abusive relationships, nor is it sexy to romanticize abusive, controlling relationships. It isn’t sexy to exploit a community like the BDSM one by using it to hide behind. And nothing is sexy about bad writing and horrible fan fiction.

So if you’re looking for sexy, for the love of all that is sexy, give 50 Shades of Grey a pass. You’ll thank me.

 

 

Currently… it’s 2015.

Happy New Year!

Yes, yes. I realize it’s February.

I haven’t blogged yet this new year. I was sick December and January and most of my free time was spent in doctor’s waiting rooms and recovering. I’m finally on the mend and starting to feel like a human being again.  I’ve been writing a bit for some clients and have about half a dozen half-finished blog posts.

They have yet to see the light of day, because I get inspired to write a blog post, get halfway into it, then decide it’s a stupid idea for a blog post, so it sits forever as a draft.

116109

I might finish them and publish them. Or I could run away and join the circus.  Hey, anything could happen!

In the meantime, I’m adapting rukristin’s Currently project to give a quick update in to what I’m into and up to lately.

Currently

watching:

Not much, to be honest. Lots of Raptors basketball games. How To Get Away With Murder, but mostly for the snarking.

reading:

Yes Please, by Amy Poehler. It is a phenomenal memoir.  And she gives some really great sex tips. I’m only half kidding.

listening:

Taylor Swift’s Blank Space (don’t judge!) and Riptide by Vance Joy.

making:

A mess, usually.

feeling:

Restless. And tired of winter.  Even if it is pretty…

My current view. #winterwonderland

A photo posted by GFM (@girlfrmmars) on

planning:

World Domination. Finishing some blog posts. Some projects around the house.

loving:

Having cable again so I can watch every Raptors basketball game. Fieldnotes Brand notebooks. Feeling human again. It’s been a looong eight weeks.



What have you been up to and into lately?

I failed at the thing

Oh, hey. It’s December and once again, I failed at that whole Nablopomo thing.

doctor nope

I had the best intentions for this year. I swear.

I’ve been writing a lot more recently. Not so much here. But for clients. And a super secret side project. And for these awesome people.

So I fully expected to successfully write a blog post each. And. Every. Day. This. Month.

Then life happened. Some super exciting happy news one day, followed by no good, terrible very bad news the next.

Then work got busy, then my anxiety became all stirred up. We fought with our contractors, as our big home reno is still not 100% complete. Over a year after the hell mouth first opened up in my dining room.

And so on, and so on.

And then suddenly it was December.

So hey, guys. I failed the thing again. As it happens sometimes.

But that’s okay. Life goes on.

I’m a GBL girl

GBL

Magical Lifeblood in a Cup

I know this is probably not a popular opinion, but I’m okay with that.

I have a handful of opinions that go against the popular ones (I know, big surprise, right?)

Anyway. Here goes. I’m not a huge fan of the Pumpkin Spice Latte.  Sure, I’ll drink them when autumn hits. I mean, I’m not a monster.

But I don’t fall all over myself about the PSL like a preteen at a Biebs concert. The seasonal beverage that holds a special place in my heart?

The gingerbread latte.  It’s magic in cup. It’s my magical lifeblood (coffee, of course) with a little bit of holiday cheer.  And yeah, it’s early to start talking about holiday cheer. Especially when I’m a pretty loud Grinch about that time of year.

But when it comes to gingerbread lattes?

Bring it on.
NaBloPoMo November 2014

 

This month, I’m participating in NABLOPOMO! So are some of my friends. Visit their blogs for more Nablopomoey goodness:

Are you participating? Let me know and I’ll add you to my list.

My Superpower

I always choose the table next to the super awkward first date. It’s my superpower.

It doesn’t matter what kind of establishment I’m at; a restaurant, a pub, a bar, a coffee house. I’ve even managed to find the awkward first date at sporting events. It doesn’t matter what time of day, what day of the week; if you’re having an awkward first date, chances are I’m at the next table over cringing on your behalf.

You know, but in a non-creepy kind of way.

Anyway. On Friday, I was doing some freelance work at a coffee shop, as I like to do from time to time for a change of scenery. And across from where I was working, a couple seated themselves at a table, coffees in hand. It had all of the signs that I’ve come to know so well, thanks to my superpower; awkward small talk, tight smiles, glances over the shoulder and around the room. At one point, the woman turned so her entire body was facing away from her date. She checked her watch. Thirteen times. She leaned far back in her chair, creating as much distance between them as physically possible without falling backwards out of her chair. She crossed her arms. Her date was not picking up on her ‘I’m just not that into you’  signs. When the woman pulled out her phone and started scrolling through it while her date rattled on about his love of the outdoors, I was cringing internally so hard, I was worried I wasn’t going to be able to keep the look on my face neutral any longer. Nothing says ‘I give no fucks about this date’ more than pulling out your phone to text and browse.

When the woman escaped to the bathroom, I figured that was the last I would see of her. I figured that it was probably the last Clueless Dude would see of her, too. She’d be doing him a favour honestly.

About fifteen minutes later, though, she returned, much to my surprise. It didn’t surprise Clueless Dude at ALL, because he’s clueless. She was working very hard to extricate herself from the date, telling Clueless Dude that she was sorry, but she should be going. He didn’t seem to get it. I fought the urge to pass him a note explaining the situation.

Finally, the woman managed to get her message across. He went in for a hug. She grimaced and said no before making a break for it.

My superpower, ladies and gentlemen.

Next time, I think I’m just going to stick to take away.

 
NaBloPoMo November 2014

 

This month, I’m participating in NABLOPOMO! So are some of my friends. Visit their blogs for more Nablopomoey goodness:

photo credit: hfabulous via photopin cc

 

Not at all awkward…

 

CAH

Today, my brother turned 28. What the actual eff.

He wanted to celebrate by having people over to play board games and he made his famous homemade pizza. My brother and sister-in-law have a pretty impressive collection of board games, but the birthday boy wanted to try out the game he’d just received for his birthday from his wife; Cards Against Humanity.

It’s like an R-rated version of Apples to Apples, an interesting fill-in-the-blank style game, and it is absolutely terrible.

It’s also heaps of fun.

But man, can it be awkward. Especially depending on who you’re playing the game with.

Yesterday, at my brother’s house, we sat down with my brothers, my sister-in-law and her parents. I don’t know her parents very well. But the idea of having to read out loud cards that said thinks like ‘Fleshlight’, ‘unreciprocated oral sex’ and ‘A sad hand job’ around a retired cop and my sister-in-law’s mom…

…but it turns out, it wasn’t awkward at all.

That and we quickly learned ‘Kanye West’ or ‘A sad hand job’ wins. Every. Damn. Time.

 

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