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My Epic Summer Vacation

Every summer for the last few years, I have had 8 weeks of vacation. And every summer for the last few years, I have felt compelled to fill every single second of those 8 weeks off with some kind of work, job or project. I’ve felt this intense pressure to have a great story of what I did with my time off to prove that I was somehow worthy of this time off. I break out in cold sweats just thinking about having to face my coworkers and their ‘So, what did you do over the summer?’ questions. It’s almost not worth the anxiety vacation causes.

It’s been pointed out to me that maybe this isn’t the point of vacation and maybe I’m projecting. Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe my coworkers don’t care and are just making small talk. They’re probably not judging me at all if I don’t have a justification for my time off. Maybe I should calm the hell down.

But here’s the thing:

I am often very hard on myself.

I don’t listen very well when I’m not being told what I want to hear.

I am very stubborn.

I have anxiety.

It’s not uncommon for one to be hard on one’s self. Often we are our own worst critics and I’m no different. It’s also not unusual to not want to listen to someone when they’re telling you something you don’t want to hear.

Why can’t each and every person in my life just blindly enable me to do what I want, by telling me exactly what I want to hear?

I am stubborn. Very stubborn. Which only exacerbates the fact that I’m both very hard on myself and don’t want to listen to people who don’t want to validate my criticisms of myself.

And lastly, I have anxiety. Anxiety likes to focus on something small and grow it into a big, paralyzing problem. It doesn’t have to be rational. It usually isn’t.

It’s a frustrating combination.

At least I’m willing to admit that?

Anyway. What is my point here? My point is that maybe it’s okay to take a break. Maybe you can just enjoy vacation time and not feel the need to defend the fact that you’re taking things easier.

Maybe I don’t have an epic story of how I remodelled my kitchen, built a nature sanctuary for donkeys, or hiked the Pacific Crest Trail. But that’s okay.

We all work hard. We’re all doing our best. And we’re all surviving through the darkest timeline right now.

Like, have you watched the news for longer than five seconds? Because I haven’t. Anything longer than 2 seconds shoves my anxiety into overdrive.

So I’m going to try to not guilt myself into having to prove that I made good use of my vacation time. I’m not going to be baited into feeling like I need an epic story or example of how I spent summer vacation.

I’m planning on a summer vacation that can be just that: vacation. And that’s okay.



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Summer Tunes

If you’ve read this blog at all, followed me on Twitter or know me outside of the Interwebs, you’ll know that next to coffee and my dog, my third biggest obsession in life is music.  I like to make music, but I also love listening to it and pretty much always have music on in the background.  Because I’ve always had my own self-created life soundtracks due to this obsession, I end up with playlists that always remind me of a particular time in my life or a particular season.  These are the highlights of my Summer 2013 Soundtrack:
Continue reading Summer Tunes

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Wine and Love: Nine

Wine & LoveOops, I’ve kinda fallen off the BEDJ bandwagon, haven’t I?  It’s been pretty busy around here, so I haven’t gotten down to it.  Plus, I often whinge about failing at coming up with blog post topics.  Luckily, it’s Thursday, though… which means time for Wine and Love.

Wine and Love is hosted by Suki. The concept is simple – each Thursday you post about what’s making you reach for the wine glass and what you’re loving.  Head over to Suki’s blog to link up!


  • It’s the same week in and week out; work.  I sound like a broken record, I realise.  I’ve taken a close look at what I would need to do to change this and I’m realising that things will probably never change.  So I need to either suck it up and deal with it, or move on.  So I’m working on that.


  • It’s officially summer!   Looking forward to less traffic on the roads, slightly quieter office and the chance to get stuff done.
  • School’s out… Still waiting for those final grades.
  • It’s my fellow Vodka Girl and good friend, Heather’s birthday this weekend!  Go wish her a happy birthday!
  • Making music.  I’ve taken a bit of a hiatus from this while life has been busy and I was really starting to miss it.  I’ve start just messing around on my beloved Doherty.  She’s in need of a tuning.  I also really want to relearn the uke.  I’ve been having fun with it.  I’m not sure if I’ll go back to the band or not, but right now I’m just enjoying playing around with different arrangements and harmonies.
  • Speaking of harmonies and music:

Amazing, aren’t they?  I’m so impressed by the control they have over their voices.  There is also a video of the younger girl, Maisy, doing a cover of my favourite Aussie singer/songwriter Missy Higgins’ Secret.  Actually, here it is:


What are you w(h)ining about and loving this week?